Our Children

 

How far back does your memory go?
Be honest, because we sometimes look back at a picture or a video of our childhood experiences and think we remember it?
“We know that having language can be very important to memories because in having words for our experiences, we can talk about them, repeat them, and structure them” say some experts.
So do we start remembering from 3 or 7?
That is really not the point I am trying to make. For those of you who have children as old as mine, 25, 22, and 2 (that excludes a whole bunch of you) I am asking this question because our eldest children only hear from my friends what great parents we were. They don't remember how great we were!!!!
Mona and I were absolutely great parents. We sacrificed everything for the well being of our children. A sacrifice that was done with a lot of heart, and no misgivings whatsoever. We did it willingly and without the least of regret. Do our children remember those moments? No. We only have the pictures and videos to prove our love? Yes.
When they were old enough to remember fully, they didn't want to be with us. We would implore them to go on this, or that, trip. The answer was always no. We would gladly take their friends along, but the answer was always no.
Now that I have a two year old and watch myself drool, and dribble, over his highness I remember my previous experience with my older children.
My advice now would be the same. Give, give and give and don't expect any appreciation. None is warranted. You are giving because they deserve to be given to. Not because they are your own but because they have no one but you, for the time being.
That’s a fact that sometimes makes me sad, since I now cherish Shams's company, as I did Zein and Aly's,  time together so dearly. But remember that conscious, autobiographical (also known as “explicit”) memories are only the tip of the iceberg. “Implicit,” or unconscious, recollections shape us too. The truly important and formative memories are the ones we don’t have words for — the ones that are logged somewhere deep in our children’s brains. That’s where our kids learn that they are loved, that relationships bring them joy, and that people can be trusted.
No, my children probably won’t always remember the time when we rolled in the grass, or when I carried my daughter day in, day out, to the beach in Agami, and we all laughed. When I swam with Aly in the pool to attack Captain Hook, or when I carry Shams in to his favorite "Aquamium" in Gouna, or when Sabrine and I smother him with kisses on his way to his first day of school.  But what they will remember is that their favorite people always take care of them, relationships are intimate and fun, and life is good.
Peace and love to all of you who are in our shoes!